When people say they don’t regret anything they’ve ever done ; or not done that has to be a complete lie.
Or maybe it’s me…. I always swore to never have a regret, and now I’m fucked.
But unlike most stories I’ve heard I don’t regret every not speaking up to that one girl, or doing a sport, or going away for school - No I regret things I’ve actually done.
I’ve hurt a lot of people growing up. Because my mother embedded a theory in my head. Love doesn’t exist so take the physical love and leave them before they leave you. Of course it’s not solely my mothers fault, it’s mine for believing in that. But I’m only human, unfortunately I see my mistakes late - but now I have a better understanding.
I hurt people, Good people, for no reason, because I was bored or scared, Huh -
I guess I just regret it all - SO fucking much.
I regret because those people could make my life so much better, The friendships they could’ve blessed me with could leave me in a joy like I’ve expiernced but fucked up because I was a stupid immature girl.
I make the mistake of assuming everyones going to leave - but is it a mistake when that’s all I’ve known?
Through everything I’ve tried to have an open mind set about everyone.
That’s one thing college has taught me, You change - willingly or not. You grow up, and you face your fears.
But than again, there’s one thing that has never changed about me, and I’m still debating if that’s good or not,
I’m impulsive, if I want something, someone, or someone to know something I make sure I can get through. I don’t let anything stop me, I’m determined for my message to be heard.
I know I don’t deserve ANY of that, but if I don’t I’ll have so much to regret,
because I rather look like that stupid person who’s apologizing a year later, than a really big moron who just looks back but never speaks up.
My problem is I miss everyone.
I miss you - I just miss being able to talk to you without being judged, and laughing at the most retarded shit,
I miss talking to my old friends from high school,
Hell I miss some friends from kindergarden.
Notice I never mentioned asking for forgiveness because that would just be TOO much, and so stupid -
No the only thing I’m stating is that I regret hurting good people, for stupidity. People - Friends that could potientally make my days brighter, and nights warmer.
But none the less, I have to take my lessons, my regrets and work towards the future, because I won’t dare let my girl go now, she’s important, she’s beautiful, she’s innocent and cruel - She plays guitar at 2 am, and paints in just my flannel shirts, god She’s perfect ; She’s been hurt but she’s the furthest thing from cold,
But in the end she’s MINE. and I promise to not let her go,
She knows my heavy heart, and the nights when I wake up scared from a nightmare she promises to protect me, and that’s all I can ever ask,
I have a haunted past, but I also have a new light at the end of the dark tunnel.